I really do love the game of golf … although I pretty much stink at it. When I was first learning the game, I quickly grew accustomed to my friends allowing me mulligans or “do-overs” because I was still learning. But after a few months, they weren’t feeling so generous. Those do-overs had become my crutch.
Oh my. It would be pretty cool if God would let us do-over, huh?
Actually, He does. And His do-over supply is unlimited. Even though I’ve been walking with Him for some time now, He’s still generous with them.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve wondered at what God’s doing by moving me backward. Maybe moving backward is the way to move forward. I had really gotten off course. There were obviously things I didn’t do years ago that I should have done. Now I’m given the opportunity to go back and do-over.
The past few months have been difficult in a way that I find hard to explain. While I’ve felt His presence, it’s been at arm’s length. Like a dad letting go of the back of the bike while the kid wobbles down the road without training wheels. Still there, still nearby, but backing off and waiting for me to buck up and give ‘er all I’ve got.
And I’m still wobbling.
I won’t kid you. Being laid off from a really good paying job has been pretty intimidating. I am a black-and-white type A that sees harsh reality first. I saw the significant loss of income and really wanted to just melt into a puddle of pity.
As I look back and review our finances for the last five months, I see that God has been faithful to provide all that we’ve needed. We have remained in covenant with Him, and He has kept His Word.
Seven years ago, I was straddling the fence with God. Three days after I left my job for “greener pastures,” a tragic accident put me on my face before Him. He let me know in no uncertain terms that it was time to fish or cut bait. I stopped running and started following.
Funny how things have worked out. I’ve come back to the position I held from 1998-2003. This time, things are different. Very different. Then … I was a mess. I was so secure in my insecurity that I’m surprised anyone would employ me for very long.
But now, I am secure in Who’s I am. I’m no longer struggling with making my life “work”. My priorities are properly ordered.
He’s been teaching me lessons during this time in the desert. It’s been hot here, and particularly dry. Dry emotionally, spiritually and physically. I’ve not been able to pour out because there has been nothing inside me to give. I’m feeling the strength returning to my spirit and am excited about what’s to come. He’s been faithful to refresh my soul in the oasis of His love and protection.