I needed a solid week of time alone with God after She Speaks. The long trip home on Sunday afternoon was an introspective one. What will I do with what He revealed to me this weekend?
Knowing that my time over the next few hours would be consumed with unpacking and laundry, catch up time with my family, and then heading back to the mountain of work on my desk at the office, inside I felt the strange contradiction of despair and peace.
Despair that I would not have the extended alone-time with God that I desired and needed.
Peace that – somehow – despite my despair, His purpose in my life is being fulfilled.
I am an ADHD Type-A, that lives by lists, clocks and calendars. Much to my consternation however, life refuses to cooperate with my schedule.
Spare time is a rare commodity in my little corner of the world. With a fulltime job located fifty miles down the road, husband, daughter and four hounds at home, commitments to the worship team and women’s ministry, there is very little time left to sleep, let alone write.
Over and over during the past few years, I’ve been ready to give up on a writing ministry. But each time I decided that there are not enough minutes in my day to pursue writing, the Holy Spirit has shown me something; dropped a new truth or parallel into my spirit … and I felt compelled to write it down.
I used to resent the 100 mile round trip commute to work that consumes nearly 2 hours of my day. Now it has become an extension of my quiet time, an opportunity to enter into praise and worship - as long as I keep one hand on the wheel and one eye open. Instead of being time wasted, it has become prime time for the Holy Spirit to speak to me. God is using this time of captivity in the driver’s seat to fill my heart with His encouragement.
I don’t have to commute to work …
I am ABLE to.
I used to resent having to work hard at an office all day instead of being able to sit at my computer at home, studying God’s Word and writing. But He never fails: just as I near the burn-out point and don’t think I can stand to do it one more minute, someone in the office comes to me with a problem because she knows I am a Believer and can give her something to hold onto and pray for her. God is reminding me that I have a mission field – right here, right now, at this law office.
I don’t have to work here …
I am ABLE to.
I attended this year’s She Speaks with a different motive than the first in 2007. This year, I had no book proposal in hand. I held no pre-conceived notions of what my future might hold when I left Charlotte. Just an open heart and willing spirit to accept whatever God had waiting for me. The only thing I expected was to be refreshed and encouraged … and to hear from God. He did not disappoint.
So amid the family, work, ministry and just plain-old-life that happens throughout my day, I’ve decided to anticipate the next time I get just five minutes. Five minutes with keyboard at fingertips to form coherent sentences out of the thoughts He has whispered to my soul. Five minutes at a time….
I don’t have to complain about no time to write …
I am ABLE to take advantage of these few minutes.
He does not call and equip me without making a way to fulfill that calling. I’m resting in His promise recorded in Philippians 1:6: Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.