The Sea of Forgetfullness

My 16 year old daughter has an odd obsession with the 80’s band Duran Duran. My husband has all the music videos from “back in the day” and they will both sit and watch the silly things for hours on end. Over and over. And they dissect the visual story – the hair, the outfits, the lighting, the props, the moves - as though they are strategizing over world peace.

As if their critique could change any of it.

Siskel and Ebert they are NOT.

It’s slightly amusing … but annoying … and futile.

I am one of those who relive regrettable moments in my past, only to beat myself up about it again and again. I will drive past an old haunt, catch a glimpse of a face from the past, or hear a snippet of conversation that takes me back to a time that I’d rather forget. Permanently. Wipe it from my mind as though it never happened.

I sit in the darkened theatre of my mind and cringe as I watch myself wallowing in the mire of sin. And wonder how I ever got to that point. If I’d only done this. Or not gone there. Or just said no. Things would be different. I would be different.

I’m not so different from my husband and daughter sitting in front of the TV, dissecting thirty year old music videos.

And is God amused? Annoyed? Saddened?

Because my what I am doing IS futile.

Too many moments have been wasted rehashing an unchangeable past.

I cannot change my past. But I can change whether I allow it to hinder or improve me.

If God wanted us to forget our past, He could wipe it from our memory altogether. But He does not. We need to remember from whence we came, so we can fully appreciate the Hand of Grace that we rest in today.

But neither does He intend for us to berate ourselves over and over for past transgressions. He has already forgiven and cast those sins into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19). He will no longer remember, act on or think about those sins that have been forgiven (Jeremiah 31:45).

2010 is moments away. I declare that this is the year in which I am breaking the chains of my past that the enemy has used to tie me down for so long.

Psalm 103:12 – As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

My sins are erased, they are no more, they're on the ocean floor. (Audio Adreneline)